23 Adult Truths and one stupid news story

1 Sometimes I'll look down at my watch 3 consecutive times and still not know what time it is.

2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong.

3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger.

4. There is great need for a sarcasm font.

5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet?

6. Was learning cursive really necessary?

7. Map Quest really needs to start their directions on # 5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood.

8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died.

9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind-of tired.

10. Bad decisions make good stories.

11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day.

12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again.

13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page technical report that I swear I did not make any changes to.

14. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call.

15. I think the freezer deserves a light as well.

16. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Light than Kay.

17. I wish Google Maps had an "Avoid Ghetto" routing option.

18. I have a hard time deciphering the fine line between boredom and hunger.

19. How many times is it appropriate to say "What?" before you just nod and smile because you still didn't hear or understand a word they said?

20. I love the sense of camaraderie when an entire line of cars team up to prevent a jerk from cutting in at the front. Stay strong, brothers and sisters!

21. Shirts get dirty. Underwear gets dirty. Pants? Pants never get dirty, and you can wear them forever.

22. Even under ideal conditions people have trouble locating their car keys in a pocket, finding their cell phone, and Pinning the Tail on the Donkey - but I'd bet everyone can find and push the snooze button from 3 feet away, in about 1.7 seconds, eyes closed, first time, every time.

23. The first testicular guard, the "Cup," was used in Hockey in 1874 and the first helmet was used in 1974. That means it only took 100 years for men to realize that their brain is also important.

Ladies.....Quit Laughing.

 Probation for Maui woman in bat incident

WAILUKU, Hawaii (UPI) -- A Hawaii woman told a judge her anger-management therapy was going pretty well after she cracked her boyfriend with a baseball bat.

Mirivic Simpliciano, 30, was placed on probation in a Maui courtroom this week after pleading no-contest to beating her boyfriend in April, and told the court she thought she now had a handle on things.

"After the incident, I took the initiative to get some help," Simpliciano said.

The Maui (Hawaii) News said the woman's public defender told Judge Rhonda Loo his client was indeed getting her feet on the ground with the help of a therapist.

But the judge wasn't entirely convinced. "You do have an anger problem," Loo told Simpliciano. You need to keep it in check. If you don't keep it in check, I'm going to check you into prison.

The incident began when Simpliciano's boyfriend came in a little late at 7:30 p.m. She started out flailing at him with a foam-rubber bat and a toy light-saber. But she moved up from kid toys to the real deal and let him have it with a metal bat, the newspaper said.

"Couples argue, but most couples don't take it to the level of getting a baseball bat and using their boyfriend's body for batting practice," Loo said. You did cross the line.