Day after B-12

Well not quite sure if the B-12 shot is kicking in or not but I am still tired. Emotionally doing better, still a tab bummed out (shades of the 70s...grin).

Run the weed whacker right before lunch and I cannot believe how weak I am. Arms were just quivering when I was finished.  Will mow the yards tomorrow and then plant some grass seed.

In a couple of days will relay the story of my CPAP supplies and the provider..... Will be kinda interesting.

B-12 shot

Went to the doc and received my monthly B-12 shot.  I hope the lack of B-12 is what has been causing me to be so melancholy, or despondent, or just plain screwed up.  Let's hope.

Still have not been able to fill the prescription for Codeine Sulphate.  Seems like no one has any in stock and I am beginning to pay the price for it.

Bought moulding for the thresholds for the bedrooms and the master bedrooms sliding glass doors.  Hope the contractor calls, he is supposed to start on the 3rd bedroom saturday morning.  Getting rid of the carpet and putting wood flooring down seemed like a good idea at the time but doing the computer room damn near killed me.  Twisted my insides pretty good (bad)  sick for a week or so.  Some stress related to the guy doing the work.  Did something not real bright but hope it works out.

  Initially we bought the flooring and I was going to install it.  Was not very hard but the twisting and getting up and down so much hurt my insides so we decided to have some one else do the two other rooms.  Came to find out that it is a racket by Home Depot and Lowes to just gouge the crap out of you.

  They charge X amount to put the flooring down, want the carpet removed?  pay more, want the tack strips removed, pay more. You get the idea.
  Ended up talking with the flooring section employee at Home Depot and he suggested I talk to someone at the contractor desk.  So I did and she (the boss of that area) gave me the name of a guy to call.  His name was Nelson.  I called him, he came to the house, looked at everything, left and called me the next day with a quote which I agreed to.  We talked for a while on the phone, phone got staticky at one point so not sure of words but he did say we would talk again and he would start Saturday morning. 

Yeah, none of the smart questions were asked.  One really good thing was that he would take payment when the job was finished.  No upfront $.
   We will see what happens.

Memorial Day weekend over

Here it is Tuesday, and after having a nice weekend, am back to feeling like crap.  Went to bed at 9 PM or so and woke up at 4:30 AM.  Tried to forced my self to go back to sleep but just laid in bed.  Stupid CPAP mask makes noise on the exhale and I can't ignore it.  Finally up at 5:45 but still tired.  Now laying on the couch with the doggie, decided to do this, and will go back to the couch when done here.

Talked with the wife about how I have been feeling and tried to figure out the why of it.  Could it be a chemical imbalance in my system?  It has been a week or better since I have run out of Codeine Sulphate and can't get the prescription filled because of the lack of drugs.  In other words no one has them in stock and it is going to take at least another week to get any in.

So am I in withdrawal? Maybe not so dumb a question but now am having diarrhea.  My internals hurt and moving around but I kinda figured that was gonna happen when I ran out of the codeine.


At least one thing is sure of, no matter how low I get I am not going to have a 137 page manifesto... 

I am fairly good at hiding it but...

Am as depressed as one could get without getting to the point of suicide.  Don't even cry for the right reasons anymore.  Mr. male macho man has been reduced to a whiny old broken down thing and you know what compounds the issue and really flummoxes me?

Out of the support group (on facebook) I am probably 85% better, physically, than the others with SBS.  I don't have anywhere near the physical problems as described, so why am I like this?

On a different note and maybe the reason for some of the above.  Bought wood flooring (laminate) to put down in the 3 bedrooms.  I did one room that has the roll top desk, futon, bookcases, TV, etc (computer room) and it damn near killed me.  I must have twisted my insides because I hurt really bad.  Then I had to buy salt for the water softener and could not get any help in getting it to the CX-7 and that hurt pretty good.

Soooooooooo, had to hire someone to do the master bedroom and the spare bedroom.  Been stressing out over that so much my stomach has also been hurting.  Why - how come -wtf is wrong with me and stressing over this.  Because I can't do what I could just less than 4 years ago?

No friends since SBS, no family around, totally alone except for my wife and I think if it would not be for her I don't know where I would be emotionally.  She is a rock for sure and that is one reason why I love her.

'Nough. I'll get through this suck ass period but it is hell right now.