I am fairly good at hiding it but...
Am as depressed as one could get without getting to the point of suicide. Don't even cry for the right reasons anymore. Mr. male macho man has been reduced to a whiny old broken down thing and you know what compounds the issue and really flummoxes me?
Out of the support group (on facebook) I am probably 85% better, physically, than the others with SBS. I don't have anywhere near the physical problems as described, so why am I like this?
On a different note and maybe the reason for some of the above. Bought wood flooring (laminate) to put down in the 3 bedrooms. I did one room that has the roll top desk, futon, bookcases, TV, etc (computer room) and it damn near killed me. I must have twisted my insides because I hurt really bad. Then I had to buy salt for the water softener and could not get any help in getting it to the CX-7 and that hurt pretty good.
Soooooooooo, had to hire someone to do the master bedroom and the spare bedroom. Been stressing out over that so much my stomach has also been hurting. Why - how come -wtf is wrong with me and stressing over this. Because I can't do what I could just less than 4 years ago?
No friends since SBS, no family around, totally alone except for my wife and I think if it would not be for her I don't know where I would be emotionally. She is a rock for sure and that is one reason why I love her.
'Nough. I'll get through this suck ass period but it is hell right now.
Am as depressed as one could get without getting to the point of suicide. Don't even cry for the right reasons anymore. Mr. male macho man has been reduced to a whiny old broken down thing and you know what compounds the issue and really flummoxes me?
Out of the support group (on facebook) I am probably 85% better, physically, than the others with SBS. I don't have anywhere near the physical problems as described, so why am I like this?
On a different note and maybe the reason for some of the above. Bought wood flooring (laminate) to put down in the 3 bedrooms. I did one room that has the roll top desk, futon, bookcases, TV, etc (computer room) and it damn near killed me. I must have twisted my insides because I hurt really bad. Then I had to buy salt for the water softener and could not get any help in getting it to the CX-7 and that hurt pretty good.
Soooooooooo, had to hire someone to do the master bedroom and the spare bedroom. Been stressing out over that so much my stomach has also been hurting. Why - how come -wtf is wrong with me and stressing over this. Because I can't do what I could just less than 4 years ago?
No friends since SBS, no family around, totally alone except for my wife and I think if it would not be for her I don't know where I would be emotionally. She is a rock for sure and that is one reason why I love her.
'Nough. I'll get through this suck ass period but it is hell right now.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Got something to add? Easiest if you use the Anonymous as the profile. But hey.. what do I know. If you want to criticize or lambast me please feel free to do so. . . In advance, Thanks